Real Life Combat: Empanadas vs. Robber

Mexican Empanadas

DEMING, N.M., Nov. 30 (UPI) — Police in New Mexico said a would-be robber was stopped by a female clerk armed with a loaf of bread and a box of pastries.

Deming police said a masked man who did not display a weapon tried to run off after snatching the cash register from the Amigo’s store at about 3 p.m. Wednesday and soon found himself on the receiving end of a thrown loaf of bread and a box of empanada, The Deming Headlight reported Tuesday.

The robber dropped the register and fled in a gray or primer-colored car with several other people, police said.

While the story may seem like nothing more than a mindless bit of amusement, there is actually a useful technique here. In this case, the projectile is not a throwing knife or a ninja star, but whatever you happen to have at hand. The purpose of this projectile is not necessarily to kill or even to injure the opponent
(although that’s always a plus), but to create a gap that you can exploit.

Imagine you are carrying your MacDonald’s takehome when someone steps out from behind the corner with a screwdriver.

1)  Throw the bag at his face.

2)  He either raises his hand/s to block it, or flinches, but a gap has been created. He is reacting to your offense.

3)  As soon as the bag leaves your hand, follow with a low line kick to his knee or groin, preferably on the side away from his weapon hand.

4)  Run.


Bonus Round:

As an employee at a bakery/restaurant, what is a semi-impromptu weapon that you could legally and inconspicuously carry? For instance, a box cutter is an essential tool at a restaurant, where boxes are often dropped off by the dozens. No one is going to yell, “Look out, the bus boy has a box cutter!”

Below are a couple of the common tools used at a restaurant, either of which could be carried or stashed without problem.


5 Responses to “Real Life Combat: Empanadas vs. Robber”

  1. Your McDonald’s bag analogy is amazingly similar to an incident that once happened to me one early morning going to work. I had just rolled out of a convenience store with a hot cup of coffee (I usually drink it black, so its always really hot). Anyways, I was approached by some skel in the parking lot with a small knife in his hand. He looked like meth-head and he didn’t really threaten me he just held the knife up and said “Do you have any money for me”? I said “Sure” and let him have my full cup’o joe right in the face, followed by a swift kick in the balls with my heavy work boots. Then I rolled out low and fast. Luck of the Irish I guess, he got more than he bargained for.

  2. Tommy,

    Talk about a small world, try this:

    The short version of the story is that on Saturday leaving my office, I was the subject of an attempted mugging by a member of the Indianapolis Choir Boy School of Good Men Who are Only Down on Their Luck. As I was leaving my office, said altar boy came around the corner of my building to the left into the side parking lot, and as I turned to face him noticed the knife in his right hand. The Chaplain’s Assistant demanded that we engage in an abbreviated barter process, wherein I would provide my wallet and car keys in exchange for not getting shanktified, which to him probably seemed like a reasonable exchange.

    I politely demurred by hurling a cup of hot Starbucks at him while fishing my Beretta Jetfire out of the stupid pocket holster it was riding in. After taking a face full of Columbia’s most popular legal export and confronted with a counter offer of bullets to his previous barter exchange concept, the young gentlemen decided that discretion was the better part of valor and made all due haste in a westerly direction. For my part, I locked myself in my office, called 911 and waited for the cops to arrive to take my report.

    My wife asked me later “why did you throw your coffee at him?” My only reply, and which remains my reply is “seemed like the thing to do at the time” – but from a 10,000 foot view, tossing my coffee had major impact on the encounter which was to switch the initiative from my would be attacker to me. By throwing my coffee, I was forcing him to react to my actions instead the other way around, which gave me the opportunity to retrieve a better weapon than a cup of coffee.

    Found here:

  3. Hahahah! Seems like my “Java-Jitsu” is taking off. I have a verified report on file with the Fresno P.D. circa 1998. Its a good plan, of course back in 98 you could get a 16 oz. coffee from the 7-11 at McKinley and 41 for about 99 cents. I would have thought twice about tossing a 5 dollar latte from Starbucks;). Seriously, though, it does force him into reacting instead of acting/ initiating and gives you time to follow up and escape. Some people have told me I should have finished the guy off or “really taught him a lesson” or whatever, but in my estimation a quick strike and rapid egress makes the most sense for numerous reasons (e.g. what if his friends show up, etc.) besides, I’m pretty sure he learned something that day anyways.

  4. I am a big advocate of throwing things because it works! It is a natural reaction ro react to things being thrown at you. Apart from someone seeing a single object coming at them and swatting it away, almost no one will walk through several thrown objects without raising a hand to fend off the incoming objects.

    Any object will do but different objects have different properties. Coffee may be thought of as hot but that is not always so and any liquid can be used because the property of a liquid is that it can not swatted away by the hand. Heavy objects like can foods have the properties of being both hard and heavy so while they can be swatted away they also can do solid damage if they contact any part of the attacker. Coats, towels, and blankets cause basically no damage when thrown but obstruct vision and flow around the hand trying to swat it away causing a time gap the defender can take advantage off.

  5. If I have to waste a bag of hot fast food, somebody is dying.

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