Is Tiger Woods a Poser of the Week?
At first, Tiger Woods looks like a solid candidate for poser of the week. He is standing in a posture with the sword that nobody in his right mind would ever use in combat.
What is the hand doing arched over the top of his head?
What are his left fingers pointing at?
Do you really want to rest a blade along your inner wrist?
Is a reverse grip a good idea with a sword?
Of course, the whole idea is to assume a posture that looks “cool” or awesome, precisely because it is totally worthless as a combat stance.
You might think Tiger Woods is a poser because he has no skill. Yet the Poser of the Week may in fact be very skilled –it’s just that he assumes a pose that makes himself look ignorant. (In fact, Tiger looks more balanced and graceful than the other golfers who are asked to follow along with a sword form. In the photos you’re seeing Tiger’s first sword lesson, and he looks impressive in view of that fact.)
But there are several factors that prevent me from granting Tiger Woods the Poser of the Week award.
He Doesn’t Make Exaggerated Claims: If he called himself Exalted Grandmaster Woods, or Datu Puti Woods, or Supreme Dragon Tiger Woods, then he might qualify.
His Clothes Look Normal: Tiger wears a classy, casual outfit. He calls attention to himself by wearing tasteful clothes and carrying himself with poise. If you’re going to be Poser of the Week, you need to use your clothes as a desperate attempt to call attention to yourself. Get lots of patches, wear red, or multiple bright colors (and if they clash godawfully, then that’s great, ’cause now you’re really attracting attention). The sword is exotic, but I think he could add some reflective tape or flashing lights to make it even gaudier. The whole point is not to let your skill speak for itself, but to use every tacky gimmick you can imagine to make yourself look like a grandmaster.
He Is Smiling: You’ll never get Poser of the Week unless you scowl. Come on, you’re the deadliest guy on earth, somebody who can take out Bruce Lee or any MMA chump in seconds. You have to look like you eat, sleep, and breathe death-dealing.